by Ken Stark

I have to admit that the physiology of zombies fascinates me. Recently, I’ve been pondering the same question that has had vampire aficionados at each others’ (ahem) throats for years. Namely, if a vampire drank the blood of a drunken human, would he become intoxicated?

Bending the question to my own field then, if a zombie consumed the flesh of a drunken man (and I use the masculine because a woman would never drink enough to get tipsy), would the zombie become inebriated by association? Good question, and maybe there’s even a story in it for me. Alright then, let’s look at the science.

Generally speaking, zombies exhibit behaviour associated with a loss of cognitive control. This suggests a loss of executive function, i.e.no frontal lobe activity in the brain. And a zombie that growls and snarls and bites seems to be driven by rage, which is an emotion housed in the primitive parts of the brain, most notably the amygdala. But zombies never seem to feel full after dining, which suggests a non-functioning ventromedial hypothalamus, also located in that part of the brain commonly referred to as the ‘reptilian brain’. Add to that the various brain scans supplied by The Walking Dead as well as several classic movies, and the evidence matches what we feel in our hearts. Zombies are essentially brain-dead, with only a spark left alive deep within their reptilian brain to keep their bodies functioning on a purely animalistic level.

So now, how would an alcohol-infused human meal affect a zombie? Well, alcohol affects the brain on a number of levels, from the prefrontal cortex to the central nervous system. It even affects the so-called ‘reptilian brain’, but there’s a catch. Alcohol is able to affect so many areas of the brain because it is capable of crossing the blood-brain barrier, meaning that it can move from circulated blood directly into brain cells. But note the word ‘circulating’. With no beating heart to pump the blood, nothing moves in a zombie’s circulatory system, and so no alcohol could possibly make the trip from a zombie’s stomach to the brain. Any alcohol consumed would remain in the digestive system, seeping into the surrounding tissues but unable to go any farther until such time as the zombie decides to poop it out, which would be no easy feat for a creature incapable of peristalsis, but let’s not quibble.

So no story about drunk zombies, then. Drat. But hey, what would happen if a zombie bit a vampire? A vampire’s not dead, he’s undead, so it’s possible, right? So would one turn into a zompire and the other a vambie? Hmmm….I wonder if that’s been done before….

Nuts. Really?

Alright then, I have no other choice. A mutant zombie is infused with adamantium and becomes an unlikely superhero.

“Zomberine”: Chapter one …

Check out Stage 3: Alpha or begin with book one.

Jay Wilburn

Jay Wilburn has a Masters Degree in Education that goes mostly unused since he quit teaching to write about zombies. Jay writes horror because he tends to find the light by facing down the darkness. His is doing well following a life saving kidney transplant. Jay is the author of Maidens of Zombie Kingdom a young adult fantasy trilogy, Lake Scatter Wood Tales adventure books for elementary and middle school readers, Vampire Christ a trilogy of political and religious satire, and The Dead Song Legend. He cowrote The Enemy Held Near, Yard Full of Bones, and The Hidden Truth with Armand Rosamilia. You can also find Jay's work in Best Horror of the Year volume 5. He is a staff writer with Dark Moon Digest, LitReactor, and the Still Water Bay series with Crystal Lake Publishing.

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