by Kenny Van Dyke

Zombies (as you will learn if you survive long enough…) are not very bright, nor are they very dexterous. Any incline will slow and deter them, but if the terrain is steep enough that you have to use your feet and hands to climb up, chances are that most zombies won’t be able to follow you. This does not mean they won’t look for another way up; they will, but at least you’ve bought yourself some more time.

Elevation is a double-dose of safety! In an urban setting, elevation buys you time. Sure, you may get stranded on a roof or in an attic, but it’s better than being eaten! On the other hand: in hilly terrain there are fewer zombies to begin with, and unless you get their attention, they’ll probably move on to better feeding grounds at lower altitudes. Just remember: once all the sheeple have been slaughtered by zombies, they’ll be coming for you next.

In suburban settings, ladders can be found just about everywhere! Use a ladder and climb up to a rooftop, then simply pull the ladder up behind you. Once you get situated, use the ladder to smash zombie skulls from a safe distance above (see also Tip #14 “Ladders, Ladders, Everywhere!”).

Ladder placement is critical! Be sure there is a steep enough incline on the ladder because once it hits about forty-five degrees, zombies (especially freshly fed ones) are sometimes able to make their way up behind you.

Inside multi-storied buildings you always have to worry about the stairwells, but the elevators are suicide (if they’re still powered up, that is…). Either way, unless you can escape to a more secure location outside the building, up you go.

But why up, you ask?

Well, to put it simply: I’d rather die of starvation in some dusty attic, or a canopy of trees, than be eaten alive by a fuckin’ zombie. Logically speaking, you’ll probably survive longer if you’re safely in an attic or on a roof, and not actually in the process of being eaten by zombies, so your best bet is to go up.

Whether you decide to mount an attack, or wait to be rescued, starting from above will give you a tactical advantage. In fact, if you get to a secure enough position, you could have a lot of fun throwing paint cans, furniture, or anything else that could send the undead tumbling backwards. If you have a video camera, be sure to film it for future enjoyment when you’re feeling down!

If you decide to kill yourself because you can’t handle it anymore, being on a three-plus story roof has obvious advantages as well.

If your choice for elevation gain is of the ‘natural’ variety, steep, mountainous terrain can be used to your advantage, but is a bit more speculative; you also never know if there’s a less-steep path for the zombies to take on the other side of the mountain. As a matter of fact, for all you know there could be zombies waiting for you at the top! (see also: Tip #18 “Outdoor Barriers’).

The other obvious advantage to outdoor elevation is the low population per square mile in remote mountainous areas. Less people means less zombies, and more time for you to fortify and stockpile goods. Don’t expect to be alone out there! Like-minded people will probably make for the hills as well, so if you run across someone else out there, either join forces with them, or give them a wide berth; they’re probably just as well armed as you (hopefully) are…

Another plus is the ease of trap making out in the wild. As my old man once taught me, “Gravity is your friend.” On hilly terrain, a trap of rolling logs and/or rocks is pretty easy to set up, not to mention there’s plenty of wood to make spikes for your pitfalls (see also: Tip #78 “Traps and Pitfalls”).

Finally, zombies are much more likely to move downhill towards population centers, and not up, where the prey is tougher to catch and the terrain is more difficult to negotiate. Like water, zombies prefer the path of least resistance. Of course, if they are actively pursuing a meal they will never stop until they get you, or until you crush their skull…

To buy the book visit: www.holycrapitszombies.com or buy it on Amazon https://amzn.to/2v6EL8p

Jay Wilburn

Jay Wilburn has a Masters Degree in Education that goes mostly unused since he quit teaching to write about zombies. Jay writes horror because he tends to find the light by facing down the darkness. His is doing well following a life saving kidney transplant. Jay is the author of Maidens of Zombie Kingdom a young adult fantasy trilogy, Lake Scatter Wood Tales adventure books for elementary and middle school readers, Vampire Christ a trilogy of political and religious satire, and The Dead Song Legend. He cowrote The Enemy Held Near, Yard Full of Bones, and The Hidden Truth with Armand Rosamilia. You can also find Jay's work in Best Horror of the Year volume 5. He is a staff writer with Dark Moon Digest, LitReactor, and the Still Water Bay series with Crystal Lake Publishing.

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