by Kenny Van Dyke Jr.
* Please, note that the views of eating dogs are not necessarily those of this website, Jay Wilburn, or Captain Three Kidneys. Well, we’re just going to say it. None of us eat dogs. We’re pretty sure Kenny Van Dyke Jr. doesn’t either although we are not around him all the time, so who knows, right? This is also for an apocalyptic scenario so who knows what you would do? Maybe dogs are delicious. I don’t know. My mother made me try all kinds of foods I didn’t want to and it wasn’t even the apocalypse when I was growing up. Well, here’s Kenny talking about eating dogs. Take it away, weirdo …
Ok, ok, ok. I know this is really fucked up, but seriously, you should eat your dog instead of letting both of you starve to death in your attic. If Spot could talk, he’d tell you to eat him. With any luck, your dog will die of starvation before you have to… to… well, you know.
Hopefully you’re in a much better position than being in an attic and having to eat your dog. If you’re reading this and it’s not too late: don’t spay or neuter your pets! You’ll need dogs for hunting and security, but what about breeding dogs for food? You could eat the little legs of Pomeranians and pretend the legs are miniature hot wings! Instead of a side of beef, how about trading for a nice side of Mastiff? One can only assume that Pugs and Bulldogs will taste like pork, and all of the various types of mutts and lab-mixes will taste like chicken!
The culinary possibilities are endless, but if you find someone killing fuzzy little puppies to create the canine version of veal, kill the bastard immediately, there’s something wrong with him.
If you truly believe in a zombie overthrow, then to hell with Bob Barker and his love for animals! In a post zombie world, the more dogs the better!
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